Aha me hearties

Ahoy there shipmates. Tis a black day for the consciences of those evil French captains of those French corvettes over there. They have put into harbour at Brest and found lots of scurvy and legionnaire's disease on board the SS Hudson Huron, the SS Milner Bird, the SS Dingley Tilney, and the Murfax O'Cuivehan, while the dirty old tug and steamer, the French SS Chestleton is still belching out its black smoke all over the islands to the north at Guernsey. Dreadful business all this disease at the port au prince on the SS MV Venerabile QV - a russian corvette in port at the old stopover for the French generals, the St Malo. Anyway we shall head out to the grey Atlantic soon.

Aha Robinson Crusoe

Well ye gads men, shivver me timbers, we have alighted by a desert island in the middle of the ocean not far from the Maldives, and there facing us are two old hasbeens waving their arms and asking for food and freshwater. Poor buggers. Chestleton Brigadier and his batman and his fag Nickelarse Fickleby, both old seadogs from the wreck of a big old glorified tug called the HMS Venerabile, so they say. The captain has gone through his old sea logs and discovered that no such ship ever appeared in battle for the Royal Navy. Maybe a russian man o'war possibly that puts in to these southern harbours for the young girls and some sailor relief. Shivver me timbers, tis two old seadogs from Russia. Special recruits from their university days. And very nicely done, on Crispian's Day too. Still under orders probably - we shall line them up and shoot them. A whole crowd of them slipped out from a mutinous ship in the East India Company once I do recall. Capt Horatio.

Well shivver me timbers

Well there shipmates, it seems that the old tug, the MV Crowmack has pulled out of the French ports of Brest and is heading out in the grey Russian Atlantic to rendezvous with a crowd of Frenchies in their corvettes, including the MV Sherington, a two tonner that likes firing everywhere with lots of loose cannon on deck, the MV Hudson, an old warhorse that loves the sound of her own artillery and gunpowder going off, and the MV Wincanton from ashore at Doylieville who just loves. People mostly. As long as they buy into that infernal 1789 revolution that keeps going off around Europe like some lunetune Marshall Ney. oh and there is the MV De Buicklear O'Donnell, the famous ship built in Ireland but working against the Anglo-Irish Empire of Wellington for the lunatic corporal from Corsica and GBH. So we might deploy the HMS Chestleton against this little coterie of coquettes from Cocove soon, and see what happens to their bright napoleonic smiles on their french faces. Or is it?

Aha

Ahoy there maties. Captain on the bridge. Whistleblowers in town, that old sea-dog Captain Jean d'arc de Chastelain is now back in British waters, roving around, firing off his gun at small turrets and towns, and generally running amok and ravaging little inlets on the coastline. A payne in the neck. One of Napoleon's Chompollions if not champignons. Which is where he should be - stewed in a risotto for his paynes. A right charlie we have as our admiral this week - cannot find this scheming miscreant and olde worlde artefact. A dreadful lot, the french.

Golly gosh

Gosh, these French corvettes have some nerve, sailing into British harbours at Falmouth, and announcing their retirement like the old Temeraire being nudged into port by the tugs on the south coast. Defection one supposes. But anyway, the old sailing ship, the last of the line, the SS GK Chestleton has at last put in, and announced its defection to the Royal Navy. So parties at Mansion House, London tonight, one supposes. The Duke of Wellington will be there, toasting another defector from the French Navy.

Ahoy there shipmates on the shipman

We have come across the old bulk of a great hulk adrift on the high seas. It looks like the SS Great Britain, once built by Isumbard Kingdom Brunel, and seems to be full of coals for Glasgow. Nobody on board except for an old sea dog that has gone gaga called Captain Murphy VC DSO CH. Says he is the last survivor of a long line of old seadogs from Co Cork and Montinotty. But full of gibberish poor old blighter. Says all his seamen jumped overboard one by one. Could not put up with the pressure of all of his Glasgow coals. He says his trusted amanuensis was Capt Chestikov, an old Russian hand at his helm that he has trusted for many years in an orange scarf and four-quarter hat, he also jumped over-board too in a storm and swam away to a desert island with a haversack containing all of Capt Murphy's collection of old songs from Co Cork with the addresses of all his old friends there from Bunratty and the old Blarney's castle. Capt Murphy is distraught - he never really wanted to betray all his old friends - not really. But there you go, that's what happens when the Russians old style take over an old Glasgow steamer like this one full of old coal. His chief petty officer Sir Paul Gilhooley too has gone the way of old flesh and jumped into the sea too and is now on the same desert island with Mr Chestikov as his Man Friday. Don't like fish though. Sad. Capt Joe Keenan too jumped overboard - too much coal. The SS Opus magnum is the sister ship now pulling alongside to rescue that old wreck.

Shivver me timbers

Well there's a sprightly lass, somat we could never say around Anglesey these days, but out here in the southern waters, we have just run into a big old fat tugboat freighter thing, called the MV Chestikov, which is advertising its wares as oily fish, but actually on closer inspection is just another tub from a banana republic offering bananas to Africans. No change here on these Russian or shall I say Hanseatic ships bound for exotic ports in Africa. Good on slaves though. The captain says he speaks English, but it is all broken Russian and Portuguese. The usual freight. Nothing ever changes in southern Russia on the Black See.