Well well well er

Well shiver me timbers and splice the mainbrayce, the old horizons were free all morning and then we spotted a sail far out on the starboard side, which when it drew nearer turned out to be a ghost ship of the old French navy, the old SS Cheeslecake, known to the frenchies as Madame Bovary le Gateau. And there she was trying to get past a Royal Navy line to rejoin her French forces in Canada where she has been working for some time now, stirring up opposition to the Crown and generally making mischief with lots of Mounties and Huron naked indians - a funny tale, an odd business.

Ahoy there -

In the crow's nest for the day today, keeping these old seadog eyes peeled on the horizon and hoping against hope that we might see one of the last great warships of the Royal Navy the HMS Ampney Crucis, even if pursued by a half a dozen fast attack frigates and corvettes of Old Boney Napoleon.

Ahoy there

A fair sea breeze today on the high seas in mid-ocean.

Aha

Ahoy there mateys it is always bright and warm and sunny on the high seas between Bermuda and Jamaica, what with so much tonnage passing through, like ghosts of the Golden Hind. Truth to tell we sometimes see the old exploration ships like the SS El Nino or the SS Santa Maria that used to sail around here with the Spanish crews of once upon a time, ghosts ships in the main nowadays, and with them some pale and wand crew pursued by the pirates of the Afro-carribean seas seeking the gold of El Dorado, like the SS Corvallium and the SS Doyboy and the dark pirate ship the SS Black Pearl captained by capt Jamie D Sparrow and his new world crew from yesteryear. Still there is always the HMS Walt Whitman and her escort ships, the HMS Burco Forth, another former flagship that sends many messages to the Admiralty on the progress of her campaign, alongside the HMS St Bride and the HMS Dorking too as they plough their sealanes round and about the two key ships of the RN squadron, the HMS Strange and the HMS Warspite, as ever quick to see off these black ships of the night and help out the ships of continued exploration from the Spanish empire of the new world.

Golly Gosh

Here off the coast of Lusitania, well we have all now heard of the sabre-rattling of the SS Reponse and the SS Respighi, but now we have to deal with the largest of all the enemy vessels from the Bay of Biscay methinks, the SS Warspite, formerly called the HMS Nom de Plume whence her traitorous captain Shark made love to a fallen heroine and defected to the scheming French, and it is this warship which makes a big splash and tonnage of displacement in these heavy seas. Golly gosh and shivver me timbers mateys. The SS Warspite has a fearsome feminine capitaine, called Edith le rien Raphaela, a young women of dubious lineage who climbs up on to the bowhead and waves a larger French banner in the face of the enemy, naked to the belt, singing Je ne regrette rien, and other favourite French tunes such as Je n'aime pas le Terry's All Gold, or Je vous haies Vous Terry's Chocolat Orangerie, and with this show of defiance, she lets loose all her black sooted cannonry on both decks at the poor unsuspecting sailors on the receiving end on some mild Dutchman. A vicious tongued harrowden and a double-dealing libertine like the SS Sophie Marceau and the SS Celine Dior and a personal mistress of the dubious Lord Rochester Azir. Terrible things have happened to their lovers in this port of Port Royal in the Carrib. The only thing we have in our repertoire to face this huge juggernaut of a gargantua is Lord Nelson hisself on the HMS Victory but he is busy in the south seas at the moment, having won an accidental and glancing victory at Cadiz with the help of Nuestra Senora Vulnerada of Vallodalid and the intercessory prayers of some vicar called Fr Joseph O'Sullivan SJ of Coimbra and Fatima. We must send a message to the Victory because this huge ten tonne Tessie is a bit of a waggon and carries lots of gunpowder. Sacre bleu - voici le terreur !! J'avance comme un ane !!

Shivers

Shiver me timbers - there's that pirate ship the USS Walt Whitmope, heading straight for a collision with the SS Kurt Whitman. God knows what will happen. Whitmans like whipmores are not welcome in the Atlantic, and they do insist on their titles and their poor third-world ceremonies.

Splice the mainbrayce

Well shiver me timbers - I don't believe it me hearties and me old ship's rudders. It was like an apparition at some wayside shrine like Peterborough or Walsingham, but after a raid on the French naval dockyards at Dieppe during which we lit up a load of French Revolutionary Forces ships with our own incendiaries over the top of the harbour wall, there sailing out to us came a ghost ship that I had not seen for many a long year me shipmates. It was draped in French flags and French colours but as soon as it escaped the harbour boom, off came those colours and I recognised the old HMS Cheshire Cheese finally getting free of her French prison wardens, held captive these long 20 years. A fine sight for sore eyes and it was only me own experienced eye in the Crow's Nest that saw the difference and recognised the old blighter, so I signalled to me captain not to fire on the escaping man of war. It was a sight for sore eyes I can tell ye shipmates. HMS Cheshire Cheese - thou art most welcome back to the fleets of the Royal Navy and I doff my Royal Enseign in your direction !! Aha such is the stuff of legend me hearties.