Ahoy there shipmates on the shipman

We have come across the old bulk of a great hulk adrift on the high seas. It looks like the SS Great Britain, once built by Isumbard Kingdom Brunel, and seems to be full of coals for Glasgow. Nobody on board except for an old sea dog that has gone gaga called Captain Murphy VC DSO CH. Says he is the last survivor of a long line of old seadogs from Co Cork and Montinotty. But full of gibberish poor old blighter. Says all his seamen jumped overboard one by one. Could not put up with the pressure of all of his Glasgow coals. He says his trusted amanuensis was Capt Chestikov, an old Russian hand at his helm that he has trusted for many years in an orange scarf and four-quarter hat, he also jumped over-board too in a storm and swam away to a desert island with a haversack containing all of Capt Murphy's collection of old songs from Co Cork with the addresses of all his old friends there from Bunratty and the old Blarney's castle. Capt Murphy is distraught - he never really wanted to betray all his old friends - not really. But there you go, that's what happens when the Russians old style take over an old Glasgow steamer like this one full of old coal. His chief petty officer Sir Paul Gilhooley too has gone the way of old flesh and jumped into the sea too and is now on the same desert island with Mr Chestikov as his Man Friday. Don't like fish though. Sad. Capt Joe Keenan too jumped overboard - too much coal. The SS Opus magnum is the sister ship now pulling alongside to rescue that old wreck.

Shivver me timbers

Well there's a sprightly lass, somat we could never say around Anglesey these days, but out here in the southern waters, we have just run into a big old fat tugboat freighter thing, called the MV Chestikov, which is advertising its wares as oily fish, but actually on closer inspection is just another tub from a banana republic offering bananas to Africans. No change here on these Russian or shall I say Hanseatic ships bound for exotic ports in Africa. Good on slaves though. The captain says he speaks English, but it is all broken Russian and Portuguese. The usual freight. Nothing ever changes in southern Russia on the Black See.