Ahoy there me hearties

Well splice the old timbers and keep the cannon going, there we are on the high seas again sailing south to the Falkland Islands which we have bought from the French, and there they are again, brazen as a pair of hussies or like two sluts famous all over the cage aux follies of Paris - the SS Chestle O'Black and his screaming little bi-ritual frigates, the SS Douai Fritillation and the SS Dame Edna Everard la Burkette. Three right little brazen sluts that ever saw what little action they do, since they spend all day hiding in their berths and harbours down here near Antarctica. They can't get enough of it. They always run to it, the larsen ice shelf. A bit cold for us down there where they spend most of their days and nights - cold as hell - and there they performing for all and sundry like two slut-waggons of Paris. Anything for a quick fix in Paris. Oh yeah there is no slut like a parisien one. Napoleon himself I am told often sups at those liquid poterion banquets down there - the devil's water it ain't so sweet but those frenchies get used to it. Anyway two faggot carrying barges nowadays with a few token cannons on deck - for all to see, just in case we thought they were the usual troop ships from the French prison island Devil's Island, rather than an honourable anything from the Dardanelles in Turkey. Napoleon - straight to hell.

Aha

Aha up in the crow's nest me hearties - now is that a golden galleon on the horizons or what?

Ship to shore

Well blast me old timbers and sleepers, that is a hot sun out there on a salty sea, what with all the Saltheart Dom Foamfollowers splashing around during the weekly keel-hauling of some poor misbegotten frenchie. We have one this week pulled from a french vessel posing as australian called the SS Swigger Vic which was moored under a petty officer's garb alongside with the SS Peter Joseph, and the french captain of this ship calls himself Giordano Bruno but looks like Dame Edna Everard close up - and with make-up. Honestly I do wonder at times why the old curassiers used to dress up in drag and why the french continue to appoint these odd bon viveurs of 2 left feet to their once esteemed navy. She must have joined for the sea-going agile seamen. Like so many frenchies at the Old Vec. Giordano Bruno would turn in his grave - and so would Capt Josephus i.e. Peter Joseph, of the great southern ports of Woolagong and Brisbane and Tasmania alongside Admiral Peter Elliott O'Shaughnessy and Capt Eric D'Arcy of the south seas. Anyway whatever his various aliases in the bowels of some infernal plot to destabilise the Garibaldi government and wreck the archives of Rome all the way to Paris - jolly well steal the lot as far as we can see for his fat toadie Bonaparte - we cannot verify his elaborate stories that he is just a dirty blackened seaman from some Jamaican slavery ship. We will keel haul this one - wash off the paint and black polish - and see if he comes up the other side, devoid of hammerheads and blues, with the words - wellllllll - !! Ahoy there !!

Ahoy there mateys

Well shiver the old timbers on these sleepers and creaking old oak beams - there is much of this old warship built it must be said of Sherwood Oak if not Scottish oak, something we have long borrowed since the time of Henry VIII - he was good for something after all surprise surprise. But anyway me hearties, here we are out on the broad blue Atlantic today and not a sail in sight as we head away from the Azores, where we put paid to 2 tired old tugs, the SS Boiling Burco and his sister ship the SS Mild Whodunnit - a right pair of french corvettes and once again preyers on the lesser boats and civilian ships of the old lines of the White Star trajectories. Here the Warspite leans into the wind today without too much damage except to the poop deck and the petty officer sleeping cabin - a couple of cabin boys knocked off their feet called Noah and Nick. Two old frenchie tug boats thrown out, spat out, kicked out to work on the high seas by a very bad moody Napoleon after his bloodied nose and temporary defeat at Quatre Bras at the hands of the gallant grenadiers of old London town - now time for some highlander work at La Haye Sainte methinks. HMS Venerabile alongside, but everybody knows she is a false card and a double dealer of a ship - said to be an old hand from the time of Queen Anne and pursuing Louis XIV's flagship Le Louvre, but the Venerabile is a double - always two faced. No truths no flags.

Aha land ahoy

Well me hearties tis time to put the record straight as we have sighted land and we are aiming for a happy landfall somewhere by Bermuda. There in sight is a safe passageway, though 3 ships from the french now block it - the SS Bede Walsh, the flagship the SS BC Chestle, and the sister ship the SS Stephanie Shields - all of these are manned by notorious criminal crews, freshly released from prison at Raspail St Jacques - a dreadful lot of macabre cut-throats with no respect for man or beast, though chiefly beast in their world. Career sailors like these remnant of a diseased crop, currently hugging the walls of the Spanish college in a far away harbour, do not die of scurvy; they die of curva - a romanian affliction of those sailors on sister ships of the SS Venereale that have been around too long, spreading disease, especially around the Med. Gigolo crews pursuing gigolo swiss mercenaries.

Twiddling thumbs

Ye gads and the seagulls of the Arctic, by yer mainbrayce, there is a real brew-ha coming up like a huge late summer scirrocco storm in the Bay of Biscay I can tell ye lads. No sooner than I slipped me moorings and headed out to sea near Port Royal, with a young Keira Knightley by me side, then we heard a huge sea-storm blow up in the Carribean and lots of lights were knocked out all round, especially on the 4 French curaissier ships caught in the channels between two islands of Virgin-Lesbos and Montserrat-Peeble - the SS Corblimeymate, her sister ship SS Kismet Hardy, and bringing up her rear as ever the dirty old tugboat of Napoleon, the SS Noah's Ark, trailed in the main by the old faggot and coal ship from Edinburgo, the SS Cutty Buddha, captained by Admiral Le Nez Je Touche, a right banana. A messy business and not a pretty sight as all these old corvettes were slim and lean in their youth - now they look like vietnamese pot bellied pigs and none can outrun a RN flagship - the RN is always on their tails, though not before Capt Jack Sparrow and his pirates and belles of the Ballustrade have today found them out - in flagrante delicto - on the south sea islander rampage among the unspoilt and innocent and untried virginals of the Virgin Islands. Terrible storms these late summer ones me hearties - terrible stuff - lots of thunderbolts and lightning flashes on the horizon.