Ah the old HMS Cheshire Cheese

Ahoy there lads, there never was a ship like the old HMS Cheshire Cheese, and her captain, the able Capt Shackleton, the real one from Elton Hall, but helas ghosted these many years by the flagship of the French Napoleonic Forces, the SS Fromage de Cheeslecake, captained by a long-serving Russian called Dimitriov Aurora, who spent all his formative years spying on the Royal Navy from Cambridge to Germany and on then to the waters of the Med where he used to meet his handlers near Turkey on board the Russian steam packet cruiser the SS Casaroli while ostensibly dropping flower petals to war graves on Skyros. Ah yes the Cheshire Cheese was much shadowed, and we do say shadowed, and ghosted by this Black Pearl low life soviet-style captain of the old Hanseatic Navy in olden days before the war, churning up the waters of the Scottish coast and stopping often at Ullapool to pick up his trinkets, before Napoleon crowned himself in Paris by robbing the crown from the hands of the archbishop of Paris. Before Wellington finally brought the old lowlife flotsam of France to book at the Battle of Waterloo - with the aid of the Prussian General Blucher. Napoleon was captured fleeing from the Battle in his red riding hood cape and cloak, hiding in an ornate carriage while the little remnant of his surrounded Imperial Old Guard faced the final request for surrender, and on refusal, duly were executed by the victorious allied forces in a final musket volley. Ahoy there lads, that old boot, was something of a neck - he pushed his luck all his miserable squat self-important life. And others paid the price of his egotism.