Golly Gosh

Here off the coast of Lusitania, well we have all now heard of the sabre-rattling of the SS Reponse and the SS Respighi, but now we have to deal with the largest of all the enemy vessels from the Bay of Biscay methinks, the SS Warspite, formerly called the HMS Nom de Plume whence her traitorous captain Shark made love to a fallen heroine and defected to the scheming French, and it is this warship which makes a big splash and tonnage of displacement in these heavy seas. Golly gosh and shivver me timbers mateys. The SS Warspite has a fearsome feminine capitaine, called Edith le rien Raphaela, a young women of dubious lineage who climbs up on to the bowhead and waves a larger French banner in the face of the enemy, naked to the belt, singing Je ne regrette rien, and other favourite French tunes such as Je n'aime pas le Terry's All Gold, or Je vous haies Vous Terry's Chocolat Orangerie, and with this show of defiance, she lets loose all her black sooted cannonry on both decks at the poor unsuspecting sailors on the receiving end on some mild Dutchman. A vicious tongued harrowden and a double-dealing libertine like the SS Sophie Marceau and the SS Celine Dior and a personal mistress of the dubious Lord Rochester Azir. Terrible things have happened to their lovers in this port of Port Royal in the Carrib. The only thing we have in our repertoire to face this huge juggernaut of a gargantua is Lord Nelson hisself on the HMS Victory but he is busy in the south seas at the moment, having won an accidental and glancing victory at Cadiz with the help of Nuestra Senora Vulnerada of Vallodalid and the intercessory prayers of some vicar called Fr Joseph O'Sullivan SJ of Coimbra and Fatima. We must send a message to the Victory because this huge ten tonne Tessie is a bit of a waggon and carries lots of gunpowder. Sacre bleu - voici le terreur !! J'avance comme un ane !!